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Illustration: Joel Bentley

April Chye: That Feeling
Illustration: Joel Bentley

 
 

that feeling

when I’m on the streets drifting

past strangers past the spoken words past

the ghosts of a dead girl’s memory where

an eyelash falls and I unblinking wish

for a greater existence than one painted

in crimson, and rained on in

tears

 

when headlights loom

and I stare into the brilliance of

its pure light – the scene in my head, where the man turns into satyr

strikes the girl thrice and walks away,

fades out into harsh glares as

flesh meets thought

with death as a

dream

 

and as a beautiful boy comes in

with an air that hums with life

and cares for nothing more than the

girl of a waxen face and honey-burnt eyes before him and

I consider this immaculate archetype of a species

while in retrospect remember something of a

flutter in my fingers to say goodbye and

feel my middle where emptiness now

resides

 

so here lies

the frame of a soul with fractures that

might have stitched up at

another train stop, if trains could veer

off the track they were made to travel forth

on and welcome aboard a boy

with his sun-spersed hands and tender smile but

we all make our own graves and mine

has been perfectly placed and perfectly

preserved up till

now

 

that feeling tells me

this is what happens before

a phoenix meets

flame

 

 
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